This Whole Apple Tablet Thing...or maybe not

Apple. The one company in the world that could market a battery powered torch and sell millions. Of course, an Apple torch would be like no other torch before. It would be crafted from a single block of aluminium, use only the best LEDs for lighting, and then it would doubtless be called iTorch. Oh, the battery would be non-removable, completely defeating the point of a battery-powered torch, and instead of a button to turn it on and off, there would be a touch-sensitive surface that would drive you past the point of insanity on the first day of ownership, but that doesn't matter because it's made by Apple and it looks beautiful. And, because it's an Apple product, every other torch that is ever made for the rest of eternity will automatically become a rip-off of the iTorch, and the true Apple fanboys will argue this to the death, not considering the reality that they are trying to defend what can only be described as A FUCKING TORCH. Or maybe that's the Fleshlight, but let's just leave that one alone.

The whole point of the preceding analogy is not so much of an introduction to my thoughts on the not-yet-announced-but-definitely-going-to-happen Apple Tablet, as it is a completely accurate presentation of my opinion of the typical Apple fan, the only type of person who would ignore all conclusive evidence that shooting people with guns will kill them if Steve Jobs said otherwise. Even if said Apple fan had just been introduced to my good friend Mr. AK-47, he would still argue to his death (see what I did there) that it was not the gun that killed him, but rather the single fraction of a nanosecond before he was shot in which he wasn't praying to the all-powerful iDeity.